we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
