I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
