i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
