Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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