Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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