I am in a vortex of obligation.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
