i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
