Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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