Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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