You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
