High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize