Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
