im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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