I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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