she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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