Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
