Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
