she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
