So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
