do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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