I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
handjob tips. give me some.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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