umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
