I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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