The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
