People with herpes should wear stickers.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
