O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
