I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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