her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
