i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
50% drunk capacity currently
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
