I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
