I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
