But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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