After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
