just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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