The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
