My liver just broke up with me...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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