you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
