He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
