God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
whose parrot is this?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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