My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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