Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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