Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
