Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
