yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
