my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
