But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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