One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
