She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
