My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
