see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
