You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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