I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
