It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
