mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This girl is more easily done than said...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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