I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
