the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
