ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
