I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
