Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
