I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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