we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will be naked everywhere
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
