Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
