I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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