I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ttyl tear gas
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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