There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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