i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
