sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
